Denée Reaves

Owe No Man and No Explanation

Denée Reaves has too much to do and no time for personal debt. She has her work in social justice, a strong presence in church, and a growing travel list. Letting her values lead her financial planning is how she gets it all done.

By Denée Reaves

When Bridget reached out to me, asking if I would share part of myself for The Identity Issue, my first thought was, “What could I possibly have to share about myself that others would want to hear?” Through this process, I’ve realized that while it’s very easy for me to talk about myself, it’s much harder for me to write about myself. Because whose story is coherent enough to turn into an essay? Certainly not mine.

I recently watched an Instagram reel featuring Christian author and podcast host Jada Edwards, in which she breaks down what it means to be “blessed and highly favored,” a common Christian saying. She said, “Favor is not comfort and ease and being hidden. Favor is being put out on platforms that you really have no business being on, but [God] gives you the ability to depend on him.” This reframing of favor has stuck with me in the past few weeks because I think of all the platforms God has allowed me to be on that I do not feel equipped to be on. But because faith is my cornerstone value, and fear and faith cannot comfortably abide together, I am putting aside fear, leaning into faith, and using platforms like this to share my story.

I am Denée and there are many, many components of my identity. For the purposes of this story, I am a wealth coach determined to help people live values-led financial lives. Being a wealth coach is interesting because finances were never something I wanted to teach, or even had any interest in. I’ve found that most transformation begins with yourself and ends with impacting those around you. This is true of my financial journey. I wanted to be financially free and live my life unbound by any financial concerns. Once I started that journey, I wanted that same unfettered life for those I love. A friend of mine convinced me that my story might inspire others along their financial journey, so I began blogging. She was right. After reading my blog, a family member contacted me to coach her in bettering her finances.

So, I started coaching her, and it went poorly—like, really badly. I don’t think she was getting out of it what she needed to get out of it, and I certainly wasn’t. I went in with the approach “This is the way you do things. It worked for me, so it should work for you.” Unsurprisingly, everyone is not me, and my approach doesn’t work for everyone. Our coaching relationship kind of tapered off because I had no structure and I gave no instruction. I could have quit at that moment. Coaching people is hard. Talking to people about their finances is hard. But I realized that coaching was something I wanted to do, and if I wanted to do it, I needed to learn how to do it well.

I embarked on a coaching certification journey that took 2.5 years to complete. My coaching certification is in general life coaching; I chose wealth as my niche. I chose it because financial literacy is woefully inadequate in the United States and because talking about your finances is taboo. I chose it because those things don’t have to be true. I chose it because people need support when shifting deep-seated beliefs and habits.

Anyone can pick up a finance book and learn the basic things to do with their finances. They’ll all tell you the same thing. And what they tell you will not differ no matter who you are. But how you approach your finances can be different; how you live can be different. That’s where coaching training helped me lean in. My clients and I can negotiate how they do finances so that it works for their lifestyle and their values; so that they live intentional and purposeful lives.

Before I could help my clients live purpose-driven, values-led financial lives, I had to figure that out for myself. My financial journey began with a focus solely on the numbers. I aimed to be debt-free and to have an emergency fund so I would never have to be in debt again.

I’ve mentioned already that faith is a cornerstone value of mine. The Bible says “Owe no man anything, but to love one another” (Romans 13:8). This scripture was my motivation to get out of debt. I also wanted to build enough wealth that I wouldn’t have any financial worries. And I achieved my goals. I paid off my debt, built an emergency fund, and started building wealth.

Even as I saw my debt decrease and my net worth increase, I still lived with a scarcity mindset. I refused to buy things I desired because I wanted to ensure I had enough for what I needed. While my behaviors and habits had shifted, my beliefs and mindsets remained the same. Undertaking coaching training and working with my personal life coach helped me to shift those beliefs and mindsets along with my behaviors and habits.

One of the pillars of my coaching training is fulfillment, which is all about liveness and leaning into your inner wisdom. I help clients unlock this wisdom by walking them through clarifying their values. This is what my coach did for me. She helped me to name and define my values and understand what it looks like when I honor them and when I don’t. I ended up with five values: Faith, Fierce Finances, Health/Enjoyment, Honesty/Clarity, and Perfect Pace.

Once I applied my value system to my financial decisions, my beliefs and mindsets about money transformed. Honoring my values provided me insight into why I would spend money in some places and not others. I noticed emotions and restrictions that I attached to certain purchases. I would often feel guilty for buying things that gave me joy or wouldn’t buy things because they were “too expensive” even though I wanted and could afford them. With my values clarified, I was able to release some of those emotions and stand firm in my financial choices. I was able to say “no” to things and “yes” to others, not due to financial ability, but due to my desire to do or not do something. This, to me, was true financial freedom. And this is what I want for my clients.

It hasn’t always been smooth sailing. I’ve experienced many setbacks when making financial decisions that honor my values. Honoring faith in my finances has always been easy. I pay tithes and offerings to my church and give to charities. When my church provides me with an overview of what I give each year, it is a substantial amount. Enough that if I used that money toward other things, I could live a different life. But I don’t think twice about how I’ve decided to use that money. It brings me joy that I use that money in service of my faith and obedience to God.

Fierce Finances, however, has been a mixed bag. Part of living with this value is preparing for my future self, right now. I don’t want to arrive at retirement age and have nothing to live on. So, I invest in retirement accounts, personally and through my company. I keep a fully-stocked emergency fund for the unexpected. I finally overcame my fear of not knowing enough and now regularly invest in brokerage accounts. I keep separate buckets in my bank account to save for the things I want. All successes are worth celebrating.

The biggest setback I’ve faced in honoring this value is participating in the credit system. In case you haven’t gleaned this yet, debt and I are not friends. I don’t like owing anyone money, and I strongly disagree with how we approach credit in this country. To prove your fiscal responsibility, you have to be in debt and make regular payments showing your reliability. There is no avenue to show you are “good” with money by waiting to purchase something until you have the funds rather than borrowing. In addition to debt being the only way to show your credibility, many companies profit from interest charged due to late payments. The companies are incentivized to lend just more than enough to people so that they must pay interest.

In 2019, I went to buy a car. I saved around $17,000 for this large purchase after conducting research that showed me this was a reasonable cost for the car I desired. I went to the dealership  and we discussed which car I wanted. They told me the price was around $15,000, and I let them know I was ready to purchase right then. They asked me what financing I planned to use, and I told them I was going to pay for it outright. That’s when they made it clear: The price they had quoted me was the financing price and to purchase the car outright was about $2,000 more. The dealership made its money on debt and interest. The interest that you get charged every month for borrowing from them. Rather than closing a deal to have $15,000 cash on hand, they chose to encourage customers to finance, so they would profit from the interest.

The difficulty in honoring the value of Fierce Finances came to a head when I tried to purchase a home. Even though I had enough for a downpayment and a decent and reliable income, because I had a zero credit score (I hadn’t built any credit), they wouldn’t approve me for a mortgage. I realized that even though I disagreed with the premise of our credit system, I could no longer abstain from it. To further my financial goals, I needed to participate, however unwillingly. Like I said, successes and setbacks.

Living a purpose-driven life is a continual practice. You have to be intentional. I thought I was honoring my value of Health/Enjoyment through my finances, and in many ways I was. I have no problem spending money on high-quality meat, healthier foods, and different ways to move my body. I travel frequently, going abroad annually. But I would use things until they were on their last breath. I might see something I want when I’m out and convince myself I don’t need it. I’m working on shifting that now. One of my goals this year is to buy something I want once a month just because. No need to convince myself that it’s a responsible purchase.

Perfect Pace is another one I am actively working on. This value is very much about my beliefs and mindsets around how I use my time and energy. Am I overextending myself because I’m equating worth with productivity? Am I doing more for the sake of money? Am I using my finances to support a healthy balance of productivity and rest? Let me illustrate.

In 2021, I was in a pretty bad space given some unexpected changes in my life. I took some time off work but not nearly enough to process these changes. Instead, I continued as if my life were the same. Internally, though, I was falling apart because I didn’t give myself the rest that I needed. I knew I needed a break, and was looking at Airbnb to get away, but didn’t want to spend the money to book one because I hadn’t budgeted for it. I happened to speak with my sister when she offered me a reframe. She said that this situation sounded like an emergency and that I needed that mental break. Once she put it that way, I realized how much taking that time aligned with my value of Perfect Pace. I needed this rest. I ended up using my emergency fund to ensure I got it.

It is also in my value of Perfect Pace that I start to answer the question of, “What is enough?” Determining what is enough is very personal and heavily depends on the values-led life you imagine for yourself. For me, the concept of “enough” is having the financial ability to make decisions as only one factor, not the driving factor. It is the knowledge that I don’t have to rush into something for my survival but can take time with my next steps. It is knowing that I can give freely to those in need without any expectation of reciprocity. It is also the ability to travel and eat or cook amazing food. As I write this, I am realizing that “enough” is not a number for me. Yes, the amount of wealth I accumulate necessarily feeds into my sense of “enough,” but I think I reached “enough” some time ago. All the ways I define it are true of my current life.

I’ve worked hard to live my life according to my values. Doing that work is an accomplishment I can truly feel proud of. It has taken building new habits, acquiring new knowledge, and deeply examining my beliefs. And it is ongoing. I want people to know that because you might see me where I am now in my journey and compare yourself to me. It took a while to get where I’m at and it’ll take more time for me to get where I’m going.

Last December, I went on a girls’ weekend to celebrate a friend’s birthday. She wanted us to do an activity where each of us wrote about the strengths, giftings, and natural abilities of the others. For 2 minutes we all focused on one person. For the next 2 minutes, we focused on someone else. At the end, we read our notes aloud.

What my friend said about me stuck with me. She said that I help people feel at home. When Bridget asked me, “What will your legacy be?” that’s what I thought of. When people think of my name, I want them to say, “She helped me feel at home in myself. She helped me see that who I am is enough and that I don’t have to bend to the pressures around me. I can envision and take action on what I need to do to live my best life.”

Denée Reaves is a Manager at Third Sector, a non profit working to confront inequity, and catalyze change to the benefit of the people and places our government, community-based, and philanthropic partners serve. Before joining Third Sector, she worked for the Chief of Staff at the Democratic National Committee during the 2016 Elections, for the National Political Director at the Service Employee’s International Union, and for the International program at the Natural Resources Defense Council, focusing on conservation efforts in Mexico, Chile, and Canada.  Visit FunFinancesandFoolery.com