Kim Miles: I’ll Leave You With This…
Photo: Alana Sousa
I have a confession.
Allegedly, I have been known to pull over on the side of the road to pluck an errant whisker on my chin if it makes itself known to me.
Allegedly.
Here’s the thing: is there anything else on this planet that is literally non-existent one second and then suddenly appears and becomes the most vexing thing in the world that drives you to complete distraction? It’s as if I. Can. Not. Focus on anything else until I have eradicated the intruder (including driving).
And here’s the kicker: the moment I solve for one of these plucky suckers, there’s another one that rears its ugly head the very next moment…day, week, month. It’s like playing Whisker Whac-a-Mole.
Look, I know I’m not alone. I see women secretly pulling out their coveted Tweezermans in all types of environments: weddings, business meetings, while bingeing Netflix. It matters not; the only thing that does matter is that we get the little bugger right then and there. And, don’t even get me started if we are presenting full profile in full sunlight. UGH.
But this is not where my confession ends. I have also been known to celebrate, out loud, with a walloping “Wahoo!!” when I actually complete my mission. There’s an ultimate sense of gratification when “tweezers conquer hair.” (Think, Rock, Paper, Scissors: Scissors cuts paper every time. And wins.)
*Sigh. I realize this is just one more of those “things” that women of a certain age have to battle. But that list is just a tad too long for my liking. I mean, it seems a bit unfair that not only do we have to become facial hair aficionados, but we’re also in constant conflict with:
√ Sweaty and Sucky Sleep
√ Wicked Waistlines
√ A Multitude of Moods
√ Foggy Forgetfulness
Sadly, there aren’t enough pages in the magazine to list all the matters of contention.
On the flip side, whenever I become overwhelmed by this ever-growing list, I remind myself that there are lots of really wonderful things that also come along with being a woman of a certain age. For example, I’m a proud (occasional) member of the “I Have No More F*cks To Give” club. I was initiated about three years ago, and my membership status was recently upgraded to the “‘No’ Is One Of My New Favorite Words” club. Make no mistake; these are two very elite clubs, and membership is a privilege. (Please note: I believe there’s a prerequisite of membership to the “I Am Really Concerned What Others Are Going To Think” club or its sister organization, “I Say ‘Yes’ To Everything For Fear Of What Others Are Going To Think” club before one can graduate.)
Membership in these elite clubs does, indeed, have its advantages. Let’s say you’re invited to a party for someone you really like but with whom you aren’t all that close. You notice on the invitation that the party starts at 9:00 p.m. [Insert audible gasp here] Initially, you play that all too familiar game with yourself: “Ugh, if I don’t go, will she be mad at me?” or “I was really looking forward to some downtime after this super stressful week, and that was my only free evening.”
When you’re a proud member of the “New Favorite Word” club, you’re sound in your decision to opt for a “ME” evening, complete with collagen facemask, margaritas, M&M’s, and the last couple of episodes of The Perfect Couple on Netflix.
I have to say, I feel a lot better now that I’ve come clean with my confession. It feels great to share, so thanks for listening. In the spirit of sisterhood, if you need a pal to whom you’d like to confess/chat/complain, hit me up. I’d be happy to swap tips on how I manage to get some sleep or show you my favorite pair of tweezers. (You read that correctly; I play favorites with my tweezers.)
I’ll leave you with this… I’m not lamenting getting older.
I fully understand that it’s a privilege denied to many. I intend to make the very most of however many trips around the sun I have left. Who knows? I might even invest in Tweezerman stock. I think I’ll do that right after I pull the car over and find this pesky little…wait, what was I writing about again?
Kim is on Instagram @kimmilesinheels Visit MilesInHeels.com.
